The thing is
1975
Beth Israel Hospital
Boston, Massachusetts
The thing is
he was a prominent doctor famous man leader in the field and I was just a first year resident learning how to do colposcopy which is like looking at the vulva, vagina, and cervix through binoculars.
The thing is
when he stared inside that woman and I held her hand because I was just learning and when he said with the speculum inside the cold metal holding her open well it looks like cervical cancer my eyes met her wide open frightened eyes and I squeezed her hand and thought silently because I was only a small insignificant resident this is not how you tell a beautiful whole thinking feeling woman who is more than just her cervix that she has cancer this is not the right way to do that.
The thing is
when the faculty and residents and wives were at his house chatting and nibbling fancy cheese and fancy cakes and balancing little china plates and saucers without spilling and he snapped at his wife because she doesn’t even know how to make a good cup of coffee and I saw the humiliation in her eyes but I was just a small insignificant resident so all I could do was share her humiliation in my heart and think this is not how you treat the woman (whether or not she makes a good cup of coffee you could make it yourself god damn it if you have so many opinions about fucking coffee) the woman who has stuck by your side and washed your underwear and made your bed and raised your children and put all those little delicacies in circles on that expensive china this is just not the right way to do that.