Volume 33, Number 2

An Inconvenient Truth

The famous podcast guy publicly ridiculed one of his competitors for something she’d said about climate change. I mean he was ruthless the way he laid into her for saying what she’d said. What he hadn’t realized was that his competitor could also be a great white shark and she vowed to devour him messily if he should ever enter the water. At first the podcast guy laughed this off but one day when he was walking along the boardwalk he peered into the water and saw a pale gray shark at least fifty feet long moving in the shadows at exactly his pace. From then on he never went close to the water and gradually it dawned on him how this threat would crimp his lifestyle. He could never get on a plane for example and fly to Ireland to give a talk to bankers there for fear that his plane might mysteriously fall into the sea where she would be waiting to rip the fuselage open and devour him. He could never go down to the beach to get his feet wet because most shark attacks occur within a few feet of shore. He began to see how his problem was mathematical in nature. Thanks to the metaverse he would now live forever, and so would she. And the sea was rising.

—Ian Willey