Volume 22, Number 1

Back Page of the Free Weekly Newspaper, Englewood, Colorado, May 8, 2005

Zippy the Pinhead leers at Zerbeena
(yellow-and-orange spotted muumuu—Fab!)
Xenon for your clear glass grow-lamps. FAC
with live music from Dennis and
Vera, “Denver's Best Covers of Capt. and Tenille!”
“‘Uncle’ seeks friendly ‘Aunt’”—the subject of
this week's featured personal ad. Drag/
Stag/or PFLAG night at “The Church.”
Rental property: cat-friendly, Hawaii,
quiet street, fresh eggs and OJ
placed by your door, nearby dock.
Old tennis shoes and mousepads? Landfill
no more! (We recycle ‘em!)
Mixed-breed puppies, blue and brown,
long-tailed, short legs. Pro
kayaking lessons. “It's time to stop
joking around! U.S. out of Iraq!”
Itching, chafing? Stop wearing underwear!
Hyperventilate your way to stock-market riches.
Gecko feed—$8.99 a pound. Thought
forming above Zippy's muumuu:
“Extra maple syrup—Zow!” (POV
directed through the glass counter from below,
creates the illusion of sex,
bacon, pancakes, and pinheadese simultaneously
above the donuts. Ad for live jazz.

—J. Diego Frey